Through the life.

He is not a child anymore, everything is changed after moving to a new house far from the city. Dreams were about making life easier but as much as he tries to run away from the depression from his past life as much it found him .  Walking in woods on the right hand the book of his favorite author trying to be out of the noise and crowd,  to hide himself between old pages of the book, he  used to spend most of time in this way .Living with big family 3 older brothers and 2 sisters doesn’t make any sense for him cause they are as if not from his kind of personality . Loosing his uncle in war was the hardest they for him , he lost his best friend and the man who was close to him than his father but now he is gone. Some times facts are so hard to accept that they make you to just run away from people and be angry with family or schoolmates. It’s almost more than half year passed but  things are still the same all people around used to see him in this way , Adam  poor boy with spoiled childhood lives truly like a ghost. No games no friends nothing makes him happy and smile.
The weather is not too warm even a bit windy but it is not a point for being upset cycling from the college to the home he stayed close to the stone fence for tying up the backpack . Some strange voice come out from the forest  he  putted his bag on the stone and just rushed without any fear among the trees to even deeper . Despite he  got his paints and shoes dirty he just continued to go forward without looking back . Suddenly recognized it gets darker but actually it is because of trees , they are so deep that beams of sun could very weakly come through the branches making hard to see around . The voice is stopped without any sign, fear it is what he felt first of all  turning around watching with great anxious  in order to find way back but it’s useless.  He fled too deep loosing his hope he just accepted situation and continued walk where feet taking him, time is going and sun gave his way to moon after while the fear started growing up again  but then he saw lightly luster from deep thick of trees . He followed the light with impatient , after  walking even further it took him to the little lake hidden among woods . Standing beside the water he had a feeling as if it is not his first visit to this place he had been here in his  dreams very long time ago.  Old wooden bench, slightly wavy lake shining under moonlight and song of the leaves in the trees let him to take a seat and forget everything . He dreamt about his past again the times before the war this is only thing that makes him smile. Going to fishing with him that part was specialy peace of memory for him. The wind started to blow a bit stronger and made him to come to reality and think about the home, the weather gets cooler he stood up in order to find a way to back home again and unexpectedly  saw the girl close to the water barefoot in the mud carrying in one hand her shoes.
She was tall, thin girl with snow white skin and big, blue, shiny  eyes…she was about in her fifteenth, with long wavy red  hair on her back. She just stood on the other side of the lake and smile at him like an angel, while the wind slightly moves her wavy curls beside her face.  He had such feelings that the time stopped when he saw her and he was sure that the feelings what he live out on that time he could never feel again for anyone else.
Everything changed for him on that day…the time suddenly stopped and he did not want to come out from this moment which made him absolutely free and careless.  He stood without any movement and all his body becomes cold like a snowflake, he forget about everything what makes him anxious, he had such feelings that he lost his heavy life bag what made him unhappy, he lost the feeling of time and only now he can clearly understand the situation and feelings about what he had read thousands time in his favorite books. At that time he was ready to give everything in his life in order to continue that moment of absolutely calmness.
But suddenly the rustle of heavy trees made him wake up from his dreams and when he watched out he could not see the girl anymore she was gone or it was just a dream and illusion of his tired mind…he did not have any answers to his questions, he was deeply affected and the sense between reality and dreams was lost for him. He was really lost in his feelings;
Nevertheless, after a while he tried to find his way home. After 3 hours of hard walking along the forest he reached at the mainstream and then just walked to their house. It was too late when he reached home, but he lost the sense of time it does not matter for him anymore. His body returned back, but his soul stood on that place in the forest where he could catch the sense of being absolutely free and careless, the time when he saw Her first time.

By taking a seat beside the dinner table with his family his eyes were chasing stars through the window . Whole family talking , laughing  and discussing daily events  except Adam he is still in that forest and no one sees that  . The dinner is finished, his father mr Charles who works as a teacher of history in the village school and  mother mrs Beverly housewife with elder son  Edward started to talk about his new job. Adam left the meal untouched and went back to his attic room . Laying on the bed looked to old wooden roof thinking what if she is not a dream if I could ask her name.   He fallen  asleep very late .
Tomorrow when he come back from the college stopped on the same place the same stones . He leaped over the fence and went to the forest in order to find that lake again . Despite of walking all around the forest hours and hours he couldn’t find anything that can remind him his path to the lake no sign no tracks.  By cycling back to home he was so dissapointed , the fate showed no fair to him. That day he forgot everything as if nothing was happened and just continued to spend time with book even more than before .
A week passsed after that event, it was holiday whole family went to the city centre except Adam as usual he preferred to stay at home and no one argue with him even didn’t try to change his mind . After half an hour he stood from his chair and went down to take a botle of water . By going down on the stairs he saw light among the trees far in the forest . It was like a torch and he thought by himself it is queite late for some one walking . Familiar senses got him and without losing time he took his bicycle went to the forest with all his speed.
The time was late for forest trip and he has nothing to make a light only weak light of skies which is getting even weaker time to time . The trees too thick for going with cycle he had to left it beside the old tree stump. He climbed to the tree to see the light and started to run in right direction without watching around jumped over the watercourses . The way became steep to the hill , slippery and wet mud let him to fell . Suddenly he recognized how late it is by seeing the starts on the sky and he felt again the same fear it give him at the same time feeling of solemnity . Standing on the hill between two great old oak trees he saw the lake in front of him down the other side of the hill and blaze at the end of the lake .  It was bonfire the sparks rising up to sky and as if becoming the stars .

He was so anxious even did not know what to do. He had two choices: one of them was to continue his unbelievable adventure and walk down the hill in order to identify what light was there and the second one was simple…. just forget about everything and return back home to his routine life. He found himself in really difficult situation he had never been before. At that time he did not feel anything no pain, no fatigue even forgot about the latest time… he just could hear the hardest beating of his hart which was beating wildly.
Struggling with his incomprehensible feelings suddenly he remembered his uncle’s words… “The man who was his only friend whom he believe in and trust without any doubt”. His uncle was quite a wise person and when he was alive he always try to teach Adam and give him useful advises.
This story happened when Adam was just 10 years old… his family removed from the city where Adam was born and where he went to school at first time… this reason was given because of his father’s new job offer. Adam suffer from this situation but did not tell anything to anyone…  just his uncle noticed his anxious and tried to help him. When Adam shared his problem about lack of communication at new school and about his fears… his uncle took his hand with care and look deeply at his big green eyes and said: “My dear Adam never scare of your feelings and desires…do not let them to control and manipulate with your mind… just believe in yourself and your strength and walk straight. If you scare of something it means that it is very important and invaluable thing…then just make your first step even to the dark…Even if you had not won the battle you would learn something very crucial for yourself”.
Adam would never forget this day because it was not just words of support for him… at that time the meaning of his life changed completely and he became definitely other person… the person who always do what he believe in and achieve what he dream about. There were no rules for him anymore. Only his decisions.
Hardly thinking about this Adam made his first step to the darkness. It was unbelievable feeling of excitement and exaltation.

Every step took him closer to the purpose and now he started listen crackling fire sound .  When he reached to the bonfire there was no one but signs of human , used little cup , piece of brown bread and withered flowers. The first thing came to his mind was that girl beside the lake . But he couldn’t see no footprints at all or any wheel tracks .  He sat on big black rock beside the bonfire , took the cup and watched on the light of fire it was ceramic cup with broken handle . Suddenly he felt as if some one looking to him behind and he just turned back and saw her. The girl with all dirty sleepwears on barefoot staying on the grass watching to him with great anxious and terror. He unconsciously stood up and the girl immediately took a stone on her right hand .
Adam didn’t know what to do they are both stayed frozen as a two cats before fight .  After while he took one step to her at the same time didn’t take off his eyes from her and there another step after third she took one little step back . He stayed motionless and slowly drawn the cup to her with , “I think its your..” . She keep the stone on the right hand at the same time slowly raised her left hand and quickly took the cup.  Her wild glaring didn’t worry Adam he just wanted to help her and to know who is she where she came from so many questions .  “You like flowers ? ” by saying that he get back and took a seat beside the bonfire by leaving free that big black stone for her  hoping she will join to him. She lowered her hand and throw away the stone slowly came closer to the bonfire and sat beside but on the opposite side of  him and without any word just looked to the fire. As if she wants to say something but can’t overcome  own fear .
He saw the same despair and sadness on her eyes and decided to keep talking with the hope that she’ll answer . “I like the lake and this place … I was used to went for fishing in lake before the war but it was different one  .. ..  .         far from here  ” by talking he watched to her in every break and couldn’t believe that its he who told all those words and thinking , just would see me right now my relatives they are all probably would be speechless he grinned.   Finally he gave up and just stayed silent as she , he laid down on his back and watched to the stars  . The dark clouds disappeared and the moon lighted everything like a daily light .
The weather was calm  as though even stars from the sky keenly awaited with what it’ll end up. Instantly he heard sound of footsteps in water and immediately stood up and saw he is alone beside the bonfire . When looked to the lake he saw her ,  she was going in the water watching to the sky . The full of fear filled him promptly and he dove in water and swam to catch her . When reached to her she stopped and turned back to him suddenly the time was stopped for both of them . The fear was gone he just stayed in front of her without knowing what to do . He was closer to her than 10 inches but couldn’t even twink  . Suddenly she covered her face with hands and started to cry calmly ..
A little drop of tears starting to fall into the water like a shiny diamonds, each of them was a piece of pain what she bear at that moment and Adam did not know what he have to do in order to help her, how to stop her pain and tears. It was a moment full of emotion and unbelievable feelings of compassion to other person who stood nearby. He could not understand why it all happens with him and how it is possible to feel pain of other person so deeply whom you see first time in your life. Is it real?, is it possible?, maybe it is just a dream and he is not here at the moment, maybe he is just sees a pleasant dream in his own room. A strong desire of touching her was so great at that time even his tensioned body started to shake under the water, his heart started to beat so discomposedly and he could not keep under control his emotions.
What is going on with him? Without stopping, he asks himself repeatedly. Suddenly, he remembers his entire girlfriend whose he had ever had and met in his life. Theirs smiles, faces, hair, eyes, body shapes, voices everything what attracted him ever but now he feels differently about her he had such sensation that he could see everything in one person, moreover besides all of these he could feel hers soul like an essential part of his half essence. He was in his twentieth quite wise and experienced man in order to feel himself helpless beside the girl but now it was that time when he did not know how to behavior with her, what to say and what to do in order not to hurt her more. She was like a fragile water lily for him.
Nevertheless, how, how is it possible? To feel such strong desire and emotion to a person whom you saw first time in your life and even do not know anything about her. How is it possible to want to protect her whole your life, until the end of the eternity…to imagine and see your future life with her just by looking her eyes. It is a madness, unconscious feelings and thoughts.
This moment lasted just a few minutes but for Adam it seemed like a moment of timelessness, even he did not feel how somebody has crept up him and hit behind the neck with something big and hard. It was such almighty kick that this impact shot him from the feet and he fell under the water unconsciously.
He did not remember what happened then, he just could kept in his mind her voice how she screamed to someone “no please, do not hurt him”. When Adam has come to the senses, it was early morning. It means that he spent all the night without conscious and found himself near the main road. He hardly stood up and tried to go home by walk. After an hour, he reached their house and went his own room without meeting anyone at home; it was early morning and all his family members still were sleeping. It was first time in his life when he was completely lost. He needs time in order to come to yourself, analyze the situation, and decide what to do next.